Miserable

I dont know why when i am with my buddies... rarely i will tell them my problems... I always acted so happy... including my family members. They thought i am very ok now... I acted so tough all this while... I feel I was tough but sometimes I am not. When the bad memories haunted me, I will hide in the toilet and cried. Before I sleep, i cried.I am still very scared.. Sometimes, I tried to keep myself so busy with works, meeting up friends, but sometimes i just recalled what had happened. I just cant control...
I know i should be more happier now.. They are many peoples who cares for me ... But I am thinking am I doing the right things? Why this kind of feelings comes and goes? Will it last forever? If so, what shall I do?
Is hard to share with peoples around me who cares for me...
I envy yokie, as i feel whenever she is not happy she will turn to her mum.Though i am very close to my mum, almost everyday we chat on the phone.. but i never show her I am not happy. I always sounds like i am ok now and make sure she no more worries. She is old now and she is weaker from day to day.
I watched a drama on that day, where i heard the conversation goes like this:
Do we really need a man?
What things that we need a man to give us?
Nothing! We can survive by our own. We do not have to depend on them.
Marriage is nothing.
Dont know why this conversation attracted my attention.
I am thinking the pro and cons in a relationship..
Of ccourse many will said they are many pros than cons..
Sometimes all this thought will make me feel so miserable ... and feeling scare...